When I was 7 years old I got blamed for something I didn’t do by a teacher that was bullying me. I ran away from school and told my Mum and Dad, but they didn’t believe me (as I’d been playing up at school because I was being bullied) and they sided with the teacher. I then got labelled a liar by my whole family and neighbourhood. I felt like the whole world had turned against me.

The trauma of this had me go mute for 6 weeks - I literally couldn’t speak. I can’t remember much about this part of my life as it was so painful and dark. The only reason I know about it is that my Mum told me about it just before she died bless her.

After 6 weeks - my Mum was at her best mate's house and her daughter (who was in my class) told her that she was there when it happened and that I didn’t do it.

Now everyone was sorry, but it was too late. The damage was done. It had destroyed me! I felt like I’d been shattered into a 1000 pieces and looking back, I no longer had a sense of who I was.

I returned to school 2 months later but now the whole world was dark. I had severe anxiety, massive anger issues, all the symptoms of PTSD (but it didn’t exist in the 70’s) and I had echoing voices in my head that were literally terrorising me when I was awake and when I was asleep. I had nightmares and daymares and didn’t want to be awake or asleep. It felt like there was nowhere I could go where I felt safe.

My lovely, happy world had turned into a living hell. There was barely a day that went by when I didn’t wish I would not wake up the next day. I used to fantasize about the different ways I could end things and make it look like an accident so as not to let my family down.

One of my best friends had a congenital disability that meant he would die young bless him. I carried a lot of shame for wishing I was him so I could die young and end the pain. It really was excruciating and could hardly bear the emotional pain I was feeling.

I often played a game where I would bike on the wrong side of the road at the oncoming traffic and see how close I dare get. Thankfully my concern for how it would hurt those around me kept me from actually going through with it.

The anger was the biggest problem that I faced though. I would easily fly into a complete rage and lash out at whoever was around me. I got into so much trouble because of this. I was always in fights and disagreements with other kids. I had gone from being the kindest, most loving little dude (who wouldn’t hurt a fly), to the angriest, most volatile kid. My thoughts easily turned to violence and I couldn’t stop it from bursting out of me at times.

I remember one Christmas - I was at my aunty’s house and something happened that made me really angry. I couldn’t express this verbally and I ended up smashing my head repeatedly on the ground until I nearly knocked my self out. My family looked at me like I was crazy. I was super embarrassed when I calmed down and self-esteem took yet another battering.

A long story short - my childhood was horrible and my teenage even worse. Then to compound my problems, my mates and I got chased by a big gang of lads when I was 16. They caught us down an alleyway and start flicking knives and getting other weapons out. Then one of them said they are only kids - leave em alone. Again the problem was - they didn’t actually attack us, but the damage was done.

I now had PTSD big time and didn’t go out much in the next year. It had terrified me to my core and now I didn’t feel safe anywhere again. This had me living a very small life now. I didn’t go out much, I didn’t go on holidays with my friends. I just stayed as close to home as possible.

Another very long story short - this had me turn to drink as I did start to venture out a bit. I found refuge in alcohol as it numbed me out and took the pain and the fear away. I have no problem with drinking, but it was an abusive relationship I had with booze. I didn’t drink to have fun, I drank to drown my pain and sorrows, and I usually drank until I was unconscious, then didn’t remember a thing the next day. Then I would be filled with shame.

At this time I had zero connection with my self, in fact, I hated my self. I had no self-confidence, my self-esteem was low, as was my self-worth. I felt lost, hopeless, and very, very low.

Then in my mid 20’s I discovered raving and the drink turned into party drugs - pills, amphetamines, trips, shrooms, weed - whatever was on offer really. Again - this took the pain away and soon became a 5 day a week habit - that lifestyle sucked me in and took my life over. I was off my face most of the time. If not high on pills and shit, then I was stoned on weed.

In the middle of that mess however, I found my self. I went from no confidence to unstoppable when I was on the drugs. I became a nightclub dancer, an international Dj, and a club promoter. I suddenly started being really successful and witnessed my self achieving my dreams. The trouble was, this was only the case when I was on the drugs. I knew I had to find a way to access this without the drugs.

After 8 years of this craziness, my Dad got sick and I decided to stop it to go and help look after him and this literally saved my life.

I had also been to the doctors to try and fix my depression and anxiety. I spent the majority of my time under a black cloud and I was seldom happy. The doctor was a complete waste of time, as were the councillors and therapists they sent me to see. None of it did anything for me - in fact, it made it worse.

Then something magic happened. A friend of mine gave me a Tony Robbins CD and said listen to this. This got my interest, so I bought his Personal Power II program. This gave me so much insight into what was really going on that later that year I went to his live UPW event. That transformed everything at the time. I then trained in NLP, Hypnotherapy, Timeline therapy, Landmark forum, you name it - I went on it.

For the next 13 years, I was obsessed. I became a diligent student of human behaviour as I worked on my self continuously. This was a much better period and I was kind of doing ok, but I was still suffering and numbing out whenever possible. Weed and booze were still my go-to numbing agents at the time.

Then came my big turning point!!!

I went on a course in London where I was taught how to process emotion, and over that weekend, pretty much everything that I’d ever dealt with was gone. I’d never felt so good or so light.

I was so blown away that I trained with Tom Stone the founder and became a Human Software Engineer - helping people to process their trauma and emotions. Then, over the last 9 years, I got together with Tracy, one of the other coaches, and we took those techniques and developed them into a healing system for the whole nervous system. The mind, the body, and the spirit.

During that time I completely resolved my anxiety, depression, PTSD, anger and let go of the guilt and shame that prevented me from doing so many things. I’ve not suffered from any of that stuff for over 8 years - it actually feels like a different lifetime as my experience of life is so radically different now. I also integrated all of those shattered pieces leaving me feeling whole and complete. I am now blessed with high self-esteem, self-belief, self-confidence, and self-worth - I’m genuinely happy and lead a very full life. Something I never thought I would hear my self say.

During those 9 years, I’ve also had the massive privilege of helping around 800 people to do the same and it’s become my glorious obsession and my purpose in life. I deeply love what we do and really desire to serve on a much bigger level. We’ve been playing small while we have been developing our system, but now it’s ready to go big and so are we.

After writing that I now feel even more deeply connected to this process and my why.

I know without a doubt that I’m here to assist people. People who know there is much more to them than is currently showing up to reach their full potential by resolving their traumas and pain from the past. To reconnect them to their true self and their power, to raise their vibrations, and to fully realise their potential so they have access to their unique gifts and be fully self-expressed. In other words - so they can become who they really are.

I also know that part of my why is to show people the possibility of completely healing from trauma. I’m living proof and have a powerful healing shortcut to share with the World.

If anything here resonates with you then please reach out for a chat